Sort Of
by LauraahFTW
Summary: "I don't know, as soon as I saw him that girl that waited for him to come home just broke out of the prison I built. I just let him in, and I wish I didn't; now he's here and I don't know what do"


**Sort Of  
Rating: K+  
****Words: 1,918**

* * *

Kensi sat silently in her apartment. She didn't know who to call, she was moving between contacts, Deeks and Nell.

Calling Deeks would help her get through this, but calling him would also screw up their progress. Ever since they had kissed undercover, everything had changed between then but what was happening now. It required him, but would somehow break them.

Because the man sitting on her couch, he wouldn't stand for it if she called in a man, especially a man she was strongly attracted to.

Jack. Jack had come back, and she had welcomed him in to sit down. She wishes she had the will power to tell him to leave, but she had waited 7 years for this moment – for him to come looking for her, and he must have looked pretty hard to have found her, she was living under an alias in an apartment Hetty supplied.

But she sort of had Deeks now. _Sort of. _Sure, they hadn't spoken directly about the kiss, but they had spoken about their thing, they agreed to take it slow.

And her welcoming Jack in, she could have completely screwed up her last chance for happiness. But she had been waiting for this. Waiting for him.

She needed Deeks here; she needed Jack to know she wasn't available. Without thinking she pressed down on the green button and called Deeks.

"_Deeks"_ The line said.

"Hey Deeks. It's Kensi"

"_Hey Kens'_" His voice got happier.

"I need you help, Deeks" She paused and looked through the door to Jack sitting awkwardly on her sofa.

"_Sure, What… What is it?" _She heard him shuffle around.

"I need you to come to my apartment… Jack, he came to my apartment Deeks, he's in my sitting room."

"_He's what?"_ Deeks sounded shocked._ "Why did you let him in Kensi?"_

"I don't know, as soon as I saw him that girl that waited for him to come home just broke out of the prison I built. I just let him in, and I wish I didn't; now he's here and I don't know what do"

"_Hold up, how did he find your apartment?"_

"He won't tell me, but Deeks, I need your help, I can't let him pull me into anything, and I have you now. I don't need him, and he needs to learn that the hard way, because if he learns that any other way he won't accept it."

"_I'll be there in 5"_ Deeks said, sounding quite agitated.

"Thank you, Marty" She used his first name to in-force her vulnerability.

"_You need to promise me we will talk more about the kiss, don't avoid it. Please for the love of god, let us talk about it."_

She sighed. "Deeks…"

"_You said it yourself, you have me now. And I'm not going anywhere Kensi. __**Anywhere**_"

"We'll talk about it" She promised him.

"_I'm on my way" _Deeks hung up.

Kensi exhaled and looked at the phone in her hands. He was on his way.

Kensi held her phone close to her chest as she walked into the sitting room, Jack looked up at her entrance.

"Who'd you call?" He asked as he rubbed his hand over his crew cut hair.

"My friend, he's on his way." Kensi said, hovering near her tv, refusing to sit down near the man.

"He?" Jack looked at her. "Boyfriend?"

"You could say so, more like a partner" She twisted some hair between her fingers.

"So you're just his benefits?"

"No. _God _no. Nothing like that." She went wide-eyed as she walked over to her counter, picking up a photo. "We've been friends a while, we just started things up, we haven't even got to the benefits stage. It's hard for me to commit."

"It wasn't hard with me" He stood up and walked over to her, causing her to back up.

"That's because I was young. Naïve" She slipped under his arm and walked over to the other side of the sitting room.

"You were 22"

"When you left me, on Christmas." She reminded him as he followed her, standing closer than she was comfortable with. She put her hands on his chest and pushed him away. "You left me remember, you preferred the war over a marriage and life with me. You hated it when you were home with me, everything was so boring, and you made a point to remind me of that, every day. I helped you, I administered your medication, I was always there when you went into your dark place, and you left me. On Christmas" She walked away from him, wiping her face from a stray tear, just at that moment Deeks walked through the door and saw her wiping her face.

"Kens'" He whispered and walked over to her, putting his hands on her arms. "Are you okay?"

She nodded and looked away from him to mask her pain.

"Deeks, Meet Jack" She introduced him. He didn't move from the position he was in, hands on her arms, hoping her grip would calm her down slightly.

"Pleasure" Jack hissed.

"We'll see" Deeks retorted with just as much venom.

"Don't" Kensi warned him and raised her arms so they were rested on his;

"Go clean yourself up" Deeks told her, wiping his thumb over her tear stained cheek.

She nodded before giving him a quick peck on the cheek which made his whole body freeze for a second, that was the second time she had kissed his cheek. The second time she had made any sort of skin-to-skin contact with him since they went undercover.

Kensi moved out of his grip and headed off to the bathroom.

"She locked the door you know, after she let me in, she locked the door. How did you get in?" Jack spoke up.

"Key, I've had one since last year" Deeks said, holding the key out before stuffing it back in his pocket.

It was Deeks' turn to ask the questions "Why did you come back?"

"Why does anybody come back to their fiancée?" Jack threw the word out there.

"She stopped being your 'fiancée' seven years ago, when you left her" Deeks bit back. "Why did you leave her? There is nothing wrong with her, nothing at all, and I heard about what you said to her. 'Hitting the ground' you really had no idea how good you had it if you though that seeing her every day was like hitting the ground"

"You can't judge me, you have no idea what it's like out there, constant rush of adrenaline. In and out of fire fights, not being yourself, and then you come home to the world playing life as usual, like you were never there, you were never captured, beaten, shot \at. You would feel the same"

Deeks snapped.

"Every day I am in those situations, so Is Kensi. Every day we're being shot at, beaten, I have to go for months on end into human trafficking rings, sleeper cells; I know exactly what it is like. **EXACTLY.** Even more than you, I'm a cop, and Undercover cop, somebody who work in situations just like you described, and the thing I look forward to the most is seeing my partner at the end of the day, knowing she is always going to be there when I get back, My life is dedicated to protecting her."

Jack had to take a step back in shock; He'd walked willingly into the lion's den.

"The feeling is mutual." Kensi said, walking up behind Deeks and taking his arm.

"Why did you come here?" Deeks asked, rephrasing his former question. "Did you think she spent seven year waiting for you? Did you think you could walk back into her life? How did you know she wouldn't have a family, kids?"

"I wanted you back Kensi, I wanted to apologize for my idiocy For leaving you."

"You're Six years too late. I wasted a year waiting." She held onto Deeks' arm tighter.

"How did you get this address?"

"I'm a Marine; I have my ways of finding people"

"That's against the law" Deeks clenched his jaw. "Now get out of here before I arrest you for it"

"Kensi…"

"Leave Jack" She told him, leaning into Deeks' side

Jack picked up his bag and left. Looking back once more to Kensi before closing the door on his way out.

Kensi buried her head in Deeks' chest once the door was closed, fisting the sides of his cotton shirt as she started to cry and violently shake.

Deeks felt immediate pity for the woman he loved; he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, holding her as she cried. He rose up one hand to her head where he slowly and gently smoothed her hair. Soothing her with soft 'Shhs' as she broke down in his arms.

If she wasn't in his arms in this vulnerable state, he would have chased Jack out the door and beat him until he couldn't feel his face. Regardless of him being a cop, he would do it. But he also knew that would upset Kensi. Kensi, his girlfriend.

_Sort of._

* * *

**A/N: OKAY MY INTERNET IS LEGAL AT HOME NOW. But, I'm at school right now, and I've passed all of my subjects, so I'm just lamely here in my double ICT lesson writing fanfiction. I might even get another one done by the time this lesson ends.**

**I know, I know, I said the next one would be jealousy is a strong word, but I also just said, I'm at school and that one is at home… so three cheers for writing a fanfition at school and not being caught!**

**Next task for me is: Try to log into fanfiction and upload this without raising any alarms on the school system!  
MY TEACHER WONT WALK AWAY FROM YM SCREEN.**

**10 MINUTES LATER, HE IS SITTING NEXT TO ME HELPING SOMEBODY; GO AWAY, THEY'RE RETARDED. THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THEM. PLEASE LEAVE NOW SIR.**

**-LJ x**

**Pretty please feed the review button, every day a review button dies due to no food, save a review button, it takes seconds!**


End file.
